Well, cool. I don’t put a million gross things in my oatmeal to make it not taste like oatmeal, and I sure as shit don’t EAT IT COLD OUT OF A MASON JAR because that’s fucking gross. I do like oatmeal though, preferably the paper packet variety, and if I’m feeling fancy, a few cranberries.

I recently procured some Roundy’s fruit and creme variety of oatmeal and took a packet to work. I noticed something odd…

Is my oatmeal going to judge me if I get it wrong?

So, this is pretty strange. Why in the world someone designing food packaging for a generic-food company decided that what that oatmeal packet really needed to stand out in the world of oatmeal packets was some trivia is completely beyond me, but I’ll play along. What DO minnows have in their throat?

AAHHH! NO NO NO!

WHO in their fucking mind thought that having a trivia question about FISH WITH TOOTHY THROATS was appropriate reading material for someone trying to make and eat their breakfast? Oh, you were going to eat that, well instead how about you enjoy some HORRIFYING MENTAL IMAGERY OF FISH WITH TEETH IN THEIR THROATS?

I haven’t eaten the oatmeal yet. And I’m kind of terrified to check the other packets.