Okay, so if you are either a relatively healthy person, a “healthy living blog” hate-reader, or a pinterest user looking at the food boards, you know that oatmeal is a big deal on the internets right now.
Well, cool. I don’t put a million gross things in my oatmeal to make it not taste like oatmeal, and I sure as shit don’t EAT IT COLD OUT OF A MASON JAR because that’s fucking gross. I do like oatmeal though, preferably the paper packet variety, and if I’m feeling fancy, a few cranberries.
I recently procured some Roundy’s fruit and creme variety of oatmeal and took a packet to work. I noticed something odd…
Is my oatmeal going to judge me if I get it wrong?
So, this is pretty strange. Why in the world someone designing food packaging for a generic-food company decided that what that oatmeal packet really needed to stand out in the world of oatmeal packets was some trivia is completely beyond me, but I’ll play along. What DO minnows have in their throat?
AAHHH! NO NO NO!
WHO in their fucking mind thought that having a trivia question about FISH WITH TOOTHY THROATS was appropriate reading material for someone trying to make and eat their breakfast? Oh, you were going to eat that, well instead how about you enjoy some HORRIFYING MENTAL IMAGERY OF FISH WITH TEETH IN THEIR THROATS?
I haven’t eaten the oatmeal yet. And I’m kind of terrified to check the other packets.
On the Quaker Instant Oatmeal flavored packets there are “Dino Facts” on the Apples & Cinnamon and “Healthy Heart & Cholesterol” facts on the Maple Brown Sugar.
Why can’t we all have dino facts? Why is my oatmeal judging me? Can’t adults like apples?
But no one needs your minnow fact.
See, Dino Facts? Totally fine, and would probably make me hungrier because I’d be thinking like a T Rex.
Toothy-throated fish? Horrifying.