Sunday Reckoning – drunken links edition

Sunday, August 19th, 2012

I’m WAY to drunk to do anything resembling a normal post, so here’s a list of random things:

1. I went to the Almelund Threshing Shown last weekend. This is what thresing is:

Simply the most captivating tractor show in all of existence. Enthralling!

2. Beefcake: “Let me at those buns.”
Daintycakes: “No Goddamn it”
Beefcake: “That was really funny.”

3. Last week, I made some very awesome yarn:

4. Beefcake: “I’m not thinking about buns, I’m playing Star Wars!”

5. This weekend (aka today before I got drunk) I made BREAD!


6. Girl Talk’s “All Day” may be concurrently the most captivating album ever and the best background music ever.

7. At one point tonight, I pointed out to Beefcake that he was, in fact, the most upper-middle class white guy ever, and he legit responded with “I’m going medieval.” He was playing “Mount and Blade.” Beefcake rarely drinks, and almost never gets drunk, but today, all bets are off and he plays by his own rules; he’s a loose cannon. And he’s really easy to entertain.

8. Ladies are made out of breakfast food.

9. Apparently, it’s MUCH easier to grind at Star Wars: The Old Republic while drunk than it is while sober. This is not a quote from Beefcake, apparently. He’s just running around talking to people and there’s NO benefit…

Cheers, bitches!

Et tu, Margarita?

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Hey dudes! Drunk again. Decided to try making margaritas!

Beefcake says that tequila makes him take off all his clothes and run around, which is fine by me. I had to make some stuff up because none of the recipes matched what I had on hand, even though I went shopping for stuff to make margaritas.

Beginner Margaritas:

Fancy Booze!


1/2 cup sweet and sour mix
1/4 cup orange liqueur (I used Mandarine Napoleon, but Grand Marnier or Cointreau might work, but I don’t know because I’ve never had them)
1/3 cup tequila (Patron, on the recommendation of coworker A, also it was on sale)

1/4 lime, and some salt

1. mix all the liquid stuff together and squeeze most of the lime juice into it
2. take the lime thingie and rub it on the edge of your glass, then rub it on some salt
3. fill the glass with the booze and maybe an ice cube and drink!

According to Beefcake, it tastes just like a margarita. Success!

I also made some kickass enchiladas, but that’s gonna take some sobering up to post about. They are totally worth the wait. Next post!

ETA: Beefcake did not take off all his clothes and run around but the night did result in the following:
1. A duet of Air Supply’s “All out of love.”
2. The decision that Beefcake’s alternate nickname would be “Juicy Mangerine.”
3. A video montage of Full House’s Michelle Tanner saying “you got it, dude” over and over again.

Why is my oatmeal testing me like this?

Thursday, March 29th, 2012

Okay, so if you are either a relatively healthy person, a “healthy living blog” hate-reader, or a pinterest user looking at the food boards, you know that oatmeal is a big deal on the internets right now.

Well, cool. I don’t put a million gross things in my oatmeal to make it not taste like oatmeal, and I sure as shit don’t EAT IT COLD OUT OF A MASON JAR because that’s fucking gross. I do like oatmeal though, preferably the paper packet variety, and if I’m feeling fancy, a few cranberries.

I recently procured some Roundy’s fruit and creme variety of oatmeal and took a packet to work. I noticed something odd…

Is my oatmeal going to judge me if I get it wrong?

So, this is pretty strange. Why in the world someone designing food packaging for a generic-food company decided that what that oatmeal packet really needed to stand out in the world of oatmeal packets was some trivia is completely beyond me, but I’ll play along. What DO minnows have in their throat?


WHO in their fucking mind thought that having a trivia question about FISH WITH TOOTHY THROATS was appropriate reading material for someone trying to make and eat their breakfast? Oh, you were going to eat that, well instead how about you enjoy some HORRIFYING MENTAL IMAGERY OF FISH WITH TEETH IN THEIR THROATS?

I haven’t eaten the oatmeal yet. And I’m kind of terrified to check the other packets.

Point/Counterpoint 1

Friday, March 9th, 2012


A: “I had this drink at the bar last night, called Sex with an Alligator.”

D: “What?”

A: “Sex with an Alligator.”

D: “Why would you name it that?  You can’t have sex with an alligator!”

A: “Listen, I didn’t name it that.  Don’t blame me.  The bottom is cherry whatever…”

D: “Cherry…whatever?”

A: “McGillicuddy’s or whatever.  Then Midori, then coconut rum.  Not Malibu, it’s kind of creamy like coconut milk.  Then Jag.”

D: “That sounds revolting.”

A: “You know what?  It kind of is.  I need to find a new bar.”



D: “Right now I’m sourcing food-grade lavender, I found a recipe for honey-lavender simple syrup, and a recipe for a lavender-syrup rusty nail.”

A: “Gross.  Isn’t lavender a smell?”

Watermelon Booze

Sunday, February 12th, 2012

Normally, I’m not drunk. However, I thought this was important. Here you go.

Step 1. Get watermelon and lemon lime soda.

shingles & soday

shingles & soda

Step 2. Also get vodka. Yes, you can buy it at costco. It’s roughly the size and shape of a cricket bat.

I don't even know how to play cricket

Step 3. Chop up your watermelon. Don’t forget to take a picture.


Step 4. Puree those fuckers with an immersion blender or a food processor or something.


Step 5. Add 1 cup soda and 2 shots vodka. Garnish with lemon wedge that came packaged with the watermelon.

cheers, bishes!


Monday, January 9th, 2012

Every year, I make a bunch of cookies to get out of giving actual gifts to people for whom it is difficult to shop. It takes me an afternoon or two, and I get five or six recipients deliciously taken care of in one fell swoop. I skipped making two of the cookies I’ve made in the past (Kolacke and Spritz) because I just couldn’t be bothered, and instead opted for some new recipes. They all turned out pretty good!

I’ve made the peanut butter choco-kiss cookies before, because they are extra easy, and neither overly chocolatey nor overly peanut buttery.

Smores cookies were new this year. I really really like smores, enough to make them year round over the gas burner of our stove. Next time I make these, I will probably choose a chocolate chip cookie recipe that’s softer.

Choco-pretzels are so stupid easy, anyone can do them. I highly suggest this recipe for anyone who is baking-challenged. A tasty variation is using Rolos and toasted walnut halves. Don’t use the caramel Hersheys Kisses or you’ll end up with a sticky mess.

Drunken Honey Cookies…oh my. Sweet biscuit-like manna from heaven. MAKE THESE.

I also make iced sugar cookies every year. These cookies are not photogenic, but they are delicious. It’s a secret recipe though, so no sharing!

The magic waffle

Sunday, December 4th, 2011

Frozen waffle, toasted + frosting + cinnamon = delicious.

Why yes, I did put frosting on my breakfast.

Bento Philosophy

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

I pack bento boxes for lunch almost every day of the week. Bentos make it easy for me to do a couple of things with my lunches that, through other means, I’ve found personally difficult to control. I have almost no impulse control.

~Portion control: I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight over the last 7-8 years, partially due to job changes, partially due to a chronic condition that maybe I’ll talk about later. I really like eating, and cooking, so I enjoy planning my food for lunch at work. However, if there’s a big container of taco meat in the fridge, I’ll take the whole thing intending to spread it over two or three days worth of lunches but just eat it all that day. Bento boxes are small. They force you to think about how much of any given thing you want to take with you, and make maybe a more reasonable choice.

~Variety: There is a specific philosophy about how a proper bento is packed. Traditionally, it’s 3 parts carbs, 1 part protein and 2 parts other stuff (veggies & fruits). I don’t follow this specifically, mainly because I feel as though I need more protien than this in my diet. Really though, because a bento full of taco meat might be tasty, but boring, I’m more inclined to include a bunch of different things to make it interesting. And, I can have a little of all of the things I want.

~Using up the leftovers: Not in the traditional sense of using them. More like, these last three crackers will fit just fine in this space I have left in my bento. Or hmm, I have a little more room here, what do we have that will fit.

~A pretty lunch: Not all of my bentos are particularly attractive. In fact, most aren’t. Many, many bento websites are devoted to making attractive bentos. However, just having some variety in a bento kind of naturally makes it more appealing, especially if you have colorful food. And you can often pack them in such a way that they look like fancy-pants restaurant meals.

Now, I’m not a full-fledged bento lunch packer, for a couple of reasons. First, bento boxes are small. Really small. When packed according to traditional ratios, a bento box is supposed to be about 500-600 calories. Really, this is a pretty accurate measurements, and is a perfectly suitable lunch for a normal person. I have two problems with this though: I don’t pack according to the traditional ratios, so my bentos usually end up being a bit lower calorically. Also, since I run a lot, I need to eat an average of 2100-2300 calories per day to maintain my current weight and activity level. Since I don’t eat breakfast either, this means that a measly 600 calories won’t cut it if that’s all I eat until I get home (usually between 730 and 830pm.) So, to deal with this, I pack about two and a half bentos per day. Usually, I have my primary bento (which is lunch,) and a secondary bento (which is replaced by a can or bowl of soup, or a big fancy salad occasionally) and a snack bento (veggies, a cheese stick or some crackers or something like that.)

So, really, a bento is just a fancy way of packing one or more tiny cute lunchboxes. Anyone can do it. You don’t even need the tiny cute lunchbox part, though having some form of compartmentalization helps. I got most of my information when I started making bentos from Lunch In A Box and Just Bento. Both of these sites are really great resources, have faqs and recipes and all sorts of stuff.

Pumpkin thing #9: PANCAKES

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Holy crap you guys, these are so good they’ll make you weep.

I did change a few things. I used whole wheat flour, I used two cups of half and half instead of 1.5 cups of milk, and I tossed in some nutmeg. As written, the batter is really really thick, so if you use milk, you may want to use more than indicated as well.

In order to enjoy these to their fullest potential, you MUST use REAL maple syrup with them. It took all of my willpower to not eat all of them at once.

Pumpkin thing #7: Yogurt, and a bento!

Friday, October 28th, 2011

Thank you, Target brand Archer Farms, for making dessert yogurt appropriately themed for fall.

On a side note, I’ve been craving BLTs like crazy. Really, it has all the necessary food groups. You could probably survive only on BLTs if necessary. The other day I packed myself a pretty cute BLT bento for work.

The corn was just for filler, and I like corn. Maybe next time I’ll slice my bread up into quarters so they fit in the box and replace the corn.