1. My tolerance of liquor has diminished in some interesting ways. I find myself, as I get older, stomaching wine better and beer worse, and about the only things i can have in mixed drinks are tequila and liqueurs (whisky and whiskey are taken straight, obviously, or with a splash of Drambuie.) Consequently, i’m trying some pretty specific cocktail recipes that are outside the norm (for me.) Though I almost exclusively post drunk, I don’t drink very much in general, and you, kind audience, are the beneficiaries of my inebriated ramblings AND my liquid confection discoveries. Hence, tonight’s drink of choice, the Paloma. It’s like a margarita without the work of making a margarita, though I took mine without salted rim today. I used Joia’s grapefruit/chamomile/some other thing soda, which, while not traditional, is in fact my favourite grapefruit soda and made a lovely refreshing beverage.

2. I find the whole concept of “Three Things Thursday” to be somewhat shallow and vague enough to be abused. Case in point: I didn’t want to write a post about just booze, on account of that makes me look like an alcoholic. I also wanted to post a picture of my cats. Hence, by writing/posting on both aforementioned topics in addition to revealing my true feelings on “Three Things Thursday,” I was able to write a coherent post and prove my point while disproving my point. That means I win at the internet.

3. My cats are awesome.

says Beefcake, "Nova's the meat in a kittycuddle sandwich."

I’m WAY to drunk to do anything resembling a normal post, so here’s a list of random things:

1. I went to the Almelund Threshing Shown last weekend. This is what thresing is:

Simply the most captivating tractor show in all of existence. Enthralling!

2. Beefcake: “Let me at those buns.”
Daintycakes: “No Goddamn it”
Beefcake: “That was really funny.”

3. Last week, I made some very awesome yarn:

4. Beefcake: “I’m not thinking about buns, I’m playing Star Wars!”

5. This weekend (aka today before I got drunk) I made BREAD!

AND JAM!

6. Girl Talk’s “All Day” may be concurrently the most captivating album ever and the best background music ever.

7. At one point tonight, I pointed out to Beefcake that he was, in fact, the most upper-middle class white guy ever, and he legit responded with “I’m going medieval.” He was playing “Mount and Blade.” Beefcake rarely drinks, and almost never gets drunk, but today, all bets are off and he plays by his own rules; he’s a loose cannon. And he’s really easy to entertain.

8. Ladies are made out of breakfast food.

9. Apparently, it’s MUCH easier to grind at Star Wars: The Old Republic while drunk than it is while sober. This is not a quote from Beefcake, apparently. He’s just running around talking to people and there’s NO benefit…

Cheers, bitches!

It’s been a while since I’ve done a boozy post, and it’s late and I’m out of wine now, so here are two three things I’ve realized in the last 20 minutes:

1. If I’m ever allowed to get a mini donkey as a pet, I’m naming it “Hotay.”

2. I was perusing the internets and came across some dumb picture the summary of which was “hey dude wives are DUMB I totally have way more fun with my BROS when WIVES aren’t around! Let’s talk about BOOBS and FARTS like MANLY MEN DO WITHOUT THEIR WIVES AROUND.” Then I realized that boobs came up in the last conversation I had with my friend Hoecakes, and farts, among other bodily functions, come up frequently with both Hoecakes and coworker Boozecakes. Therefore, I am a manly man and also think wives suck. But I am a wife. And thus I am a Shroedinger’s cat of wifeliness.

3. This is the second reasonably accurate Schroedinger’s cat reference I’ve made today.

I also found out that Beefcake doesn’t read my blog. His explanation is that he doesn’t need to, since he “lives it.” He will be full of regret.

ETA: Drunk me is some kind of masochist who insists on watching youtube videos of Air Supply even though the lead singer looks like he wouldn’t hesitate to roofie your ass straight to Monday.

It’s Sunday, which means I’m drunk and therefore blogging again! I had made some mediocre grapefruit margaritas, and I was so heartbroken I switched to Frangelico and Kahlua with steamed milk. I suspect tomorrow will bring less-than-pleasant surprises.

So, the internet is full of self-proclaimed nerds and/or geeks. For whatever reason, nerddom and geekdom are popular enterprises nowadays. Like usual, I suspect this is the fault of hipsters, so I’m going to set a few things straight for all five of you reading this.

You are NOT a geek/nerd just because:
-you like something that’s popular A LOT (such as Harry Potter, or some kind of TV show.)
-you like something a lot and think you’re really good at it (like general history or grammar/punctuation.)
-you say you are OMG such a geek or nerd LOL.
-you played a video game once, saw a funny video online, or know what LOLcats are.

You might be a geek/nerd if:
-you play some video games sometimes, especially if you play them obsessively for the first week or two after you get them.
-you make references to video games that you have to explain because everyone else thinks you’re a little whackadoodle.
-things that you think are a good idea mystify other people (caution, this one can also be an indicator that you’re stupid.)

You are probably a geek/nerd if:
-you take the day off of work when your favorite game comes out so you don’t have to shower or anything and can just play all day.
-if you get off work early, you go to the library for fun.
-you watch a lot of documentaries.
-you spend your free time thinking about math, programming, or outer space.

You are definitely a geek/nerd if:
-you have a dice bag.

Aaaaand that should do for this time. Success again!

Hey dudes! Drunk again. Decided to try making margaritas!

Beefcake says that tequila makes him take off all his clothes and run around, which is fine by me. I had to make some stuff up because none of the recipes matched what I had on hand, even though I went shopping for stuff to make margaritas.

Beginner Margaritas:

Fancy Booze!

Ingredients:

1/2 cup sweet and sour mix
1/4 cup orange liqueur (I used Mandarine Napoleon, but Grand Marnier or Cointreau might work, but I don’t know because I’ve never had them)
1/3 cup tequila (Patron, on the recommendation of coworker A, also it was on sale)

1/4 lime, and some salt

1. mix all the liquid stuff together and squeeze most of the lime juice into it
2. take the lime thingie and rub it on the edge of your glass, then rub it on some salt
3. fill the glass with the booze and maybe an ice cube and drink!

According to Beefcake, it tastes just like a margarita. Success!

I also made some kickass enchiladas, but that’s gonna take some sobering up to post about. They are totally worth the wait. Next post!

ETA: Beefcake did not take off all his clothes and run around but the night did result in the following:
1. A duet of Air Supply’s “All out of love.”
2. The decision that Beefcake’s alternate nickname would be “Juicy Mangerine.”
3. A video montage of Full House’s Michelle Tanner saying “you got it, dude” over and over again.

Point

A: “I had this drink at the bar last night, called Sex with an Alligator.”

D: “What?”

A: “Sex with an Alligator.”

D: “Why would you name it that?  You can’t have sex with an alligator!”

A: “Listen, I didn’t name it that.  Don’t blame me.  The bottom is cherry whatever…”

D: “Cherry…whatever?”

A: “McGillicuddy’s or whatever.  Then Midori, then coconut rum.  Not Malibu, it’s kind of creamy like coconut milk.  Then Jag.”

D: “That sounds revolting.”

A: “You know what?  It kind of is.  I need to find a new bar.”

Counterpoint

D: “Right now I’m sourcing food-grade lavender, I found a recipe for honey-lavender simple syrup, and a recipe for a lavender-syrup rusty nail.”

A: “Gross.  Isn’t lavender a smell?”

Normally, I’m not drunk. However, I thought this was important. Here you go.

Step 1. Get watermelon and lemon lime soda.

shingles & soda

Step 2. Also get vodka. Yes, you can buy it at costco. It’s roughly the size and shape of a cricket bat.

I don't even know how to play cricket

Step 3. Chop up your watermelon. Don’t forget to take a picture.

cubed!

Step 4. Puree those fuckers with an immersion blender or a food processor or something.

MIX

Step 5. Add 1 cup soda and 2 shots vodka. Garnish with lemon wedge that came packaged with the watermelon.

cheers, bishes!